Welcome to another opportunity to get vulnerable AF alongside us and our podcast guest Alli Owen. In today’s conversation, we learn about Alli’s story involving an unexpected sexual trauma, leading to years of seeking external validation, like pursuing a masters degree in engineering, traveling to six different countries, and hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro, all to leave her still scarred.
But it was through this fervent seeking that Alli was able to gain confidence, seek out a therapist, and begin to vulnerably own and share her story with others. And that’s exactly what she does today with us!
Together we unpack how Alli felt following the sexual trauma, why she wasn’t able to share her story right then and there, how cultural conditioning can affect a situation like this, what steps she recommends if you find yourself in the same situation, and how she was able to rise up from the painful experience and find her personal power.
You’ll also hear our personal experiences with losing our virginity, how we communicate with our current partners to create a positive sexual relationship, and a few more personal tidbits that you don’t want to miss!
Hit the play button and come listen in!
Learn about Alli:
Alli Owen is an inspirational writer who teaches and coaches women to vulnerably own their stories and step into a life of love, purpose, and fulfillment. A victim of sexual trauma herself, she ran from her story for years, trying to fill the holes in her self worth with external achievements. After reaching a breaking point, she faced the demons of her past and owned what happened to her. In owning her story and vulnerably sharing it with the world, what happened to her became just that- a story- and no longer a testament to her self worth. She now lives a life of love, fulfillment, and gratitude with her husband Matt and their deaf dog Lucy in the desert of California.
Where to Find Alli:
Read Alli’s guest blog post + grab her free meditation below!
Mentioned in this Episode:
- I was constantly seeking external validation, but the motivation behind it was fear based and wanting to feel worthy of love and a great relationship.
- I was taught that sex was a huge gift, but someone took it from me, so it left me searching for validation as a person.
- It’s hard when trauma happens because you can’t see it clearly, it’s clouded with shame, fear, and so many emotions, reach out to your friends and share the story as clearly as you remember it.
- It took me so long to recognize that it was rape because I didn’t share the story fully, I was ashamed.
- Hearing it called rape was empowering because it took away the judgement and shame I had put on myself, fostering a sense of healing, through this experience the lightbulb went off.
- “The idea of losing your virginity in a sacred space was fictitious and fairytale like and for me to even think that way as a woman was looked down upon among my peers.” – Allie
- The church gets women’s issues really wrong in a lot of ways, teaching women to submit which can be devastating to women, and the way they teach sex with shame and fear built around it is very dangerous. It isn’t realistic.
- I was so conditioned by the church, I didn’t feel like I could open up to my parents because of the shame and fear around sex.
- Ever since I have started talking about my story, calling it rape, it took the power away from the experience and gave me the power back.
- The more we share, the more power it gives us to release the weaknesses, the pain, and the struggles, and simultaneously – it gifts someone else the permission to do the same – this is the feedback loop!
- Once I saw compassion and forgiveness for myself and who I was in that moment, I was able to gain forgiveness and love for myself that was transformational.
- “It’s the act of creating and taking that first step that is so healing towards owning our story.” – Carly
- If you’re afraid to do something, that’s probably what you should be doing because that’s where the magic is.
- It’s healthy to share vulnerably with your closest group (family, friends, partner) all the messiness, before sharing it publicly with others (aka social media).
- Recognize the way you receive love and communicate this to your partner (tap into your love language, take the quiz or read the book here – Five Love Languages)
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